INITIATION

_{There are healthy and unhealthy means to initiate someone into a group.  It is important to examine how that rite of passage in healthy or unhealthy operations so one can get an idea of the health of the group.}  

_{The love bombing effect is a peculiar thing.  Someone is in a setting where there is a coordinated “attack” from many sides in a group.  Thus, the inquirer can have a compelling feeling that they belong too easily to walk away. Once they say the magic word like “yes” or “I will join you” then it is mission accomplished.  In their judgment, the endorphins are in charge and the “aye’s have it.”}  

_{One can rightfully call this dynamic shallow, manipulative and even cultic. Often a corresponding negative level of energy has a door to also manipulate to keep the member like the “positive” energy that got them in so impulsively. Then it fuels shame to make sure as time goes by that you are in right standing due to outward and arbitrary standards.  You are “stuck.”}  

_{To be initiated into ancient traditions all over the world can often be more meaningful than the fuzzy feeling and be more holistic.  This includes the mental, physical and global perspective of the person like of philosophy or spirituality.  Holistic initiations are perhaps the reason why those traditions have endured for centuries or millennia like the Abrahamic religions, Buddhism and many indigenous spiritualities.}    

_{There is a sense of gravity and permanence to initiation ceremonies.  You were on one side before you joined. Now you are on this one.  Post-initiation you could even be unconditionally a member in at least some standing even if you leave.  There is a comfort to knowing the door is open.} 

_{There is also a sense of empowerment to go forward if the initiation comes in degrees.  In the Jewish Bar Mitzvah or Bat Mitzvah then one becomes a son or daughter of the Law.  In some Native tribes there is a period of fasting and a Vision Quest culminating in a naming ceremony.  There is a reassurance in the person that they can go forward and the community is behind them.  In even a dishonorable society, like the Maffia, one can be “made” and be mostly untouchable.}  

_{But then there is vacuum in a material post-industrialization that does not lend to traditional values that can undergird a sense of meaning, including group initiation, for the person.  This lack of individual empowerment is ironically hindered by ideologies that laud the virtue of building an individualistic society at the expense of spirituality.  For some, to find connection comes in spirituality for the higher need of the person like Belonging of Maslow’s Hierarchy.  In the 1950’s there was survey of graduating psychiatry residents showing that 75% believed their jobs were not done until the patient lowered their religious or spiritual disposition.}  

_{I was struck by that survey many years ago in my new employee training.  I was a new hire for a sub-acute psychiatric facility with mostly court-committed individuals.  The diagnosis could be schizophrenia, bipolar, schizo-effective, major depressive disorder or a major personality disorder.  The corporation I worked for, which was secular, had a spirituality assessment.  We asked them questions off of that which were qualitative in nature.  There was no right or wrong answer.  Spirituality was not an obstacle but seen as a possible reinforcer to their dignity.  More dignity meant more buy in.  In fact, a disproportionate amount of our alumni that had sustained recovery became more intentional in their spirituality. And of that group there was an initiation or re-initiation to a religious group.}    

_{We cheered them on with what works for them and avoided the complications of a perceived proselytizing.  There were times where I disclosed to clients that I shared their faith but many times I chose not to. This was because I did not want to be a distraction if I felt they leaned on me too much.  In a healthy manner of speaking, no “love bombing” from me.}  

_{In such a polarizing society including on religion it is my hope now as a therapist that those in the social sciences grow in incorporating that which cannot be quantified like spirituality.  For religion then it can be a billion here and a billion there.  But if we meet each person where they are at in how they find meaning for their lives in their philosophy of life then we tap into a human phenomenon that is 7 billion and counting.  Formal religion may or may not be a part of it during the time of encounter.}  

_{So although therapists will not be evangelists, we owe it to the holistic needs of our clients to at least be a sounding board on what matters- – – even if it transcends matter.  We can provide a culturally informed reflective listening to that effect and possibly provide an environment for change.  In that sense we can be catalysts for change in that they can have affirmation to take initiative to their initiation so to speak.} 

_{Dear reader, I hope this has been helpful as an end in itself whether you are a mental health therapist or not.  I will continue in this next section to address the initiation of spirituality specifically through a religiously informed point of view.  So bear that in mind if you choose to continue reading.}  

_{For a person to launch fully into their faith community like that in Christianity, there are themes in the ceremony that match on the outside what the faith infuses on the inside.   This is done with the physical signs that correspond to the terms of what happens in the soul.  In the concept of membership in the Body of Christ, the new person is to encounter the grace of God in Christ, obey and remain standing on that grace.} 

_{Terms like fresh start and clean slate communicate a sense of hope or renewal when one comes into their faith community such as baptism in Christianity. From the early centuries of Christianity one could believe and receive in baptism or receive, believe and remain due to being a member of a Christian household.}  

_{The welcoming in lends to a welcoming forward rather than a one and done legal standing alone.  James wrote to those who were already Christians they should accept the engrafted word of God which can save their souls (James 1:21). That makes baptism an initiation that is just the start but can be a point of reference going forward. Christian tradition in the Catholic Church has a part in the Easter Vigil where they can renew their baptismal promises.}  

_{The roots of initiation can be described in traditional terms that lend to the macro traits of the Church.  Baptism has an eternal and indelible mark on the soul that is so Catholic, in at least the definition of universal, that anyone can validly baptize.  if an atheist were to baptize someone with the matter of water, the form of Christ (I baptize you in the name of….) and intent for this to carry out the Sacred Tradition then it is valid.  Not only is there a universality in the dispenser of the sacrament but in the recipient so a valid baptism can occur for a baby.  Clean on the outside to have a mark of “clean slate” on the inside.  To be faithful to the graces of baptism is still up to the person and they are in need of spiritual and community support.  This is where Confirmation comes in.}  

_{Confirmation is another sacrament of initiation.  Like baptism it can be done only once.  This is less universal in the sense that it is for baptized Christians.  It ties to oneness in that the person has an empowerment of the Holy Spirit but the recipient has an objective empowerment to see it as “our Holy Spirit” rather than just by themselves in a room alone.  As a Protestant for 30 years I can affirm that I had many encounters with the person of the Holy Spirit but none that unified me to the Body of Christ and raised my awareness to God’s agenda like those subjective times alone.  I will admit that to receive Confirmation was difficult for me in part due to pride.  But it was definitely worth it.}  

_{Confirmation also has a context of the preceding generation that hands it down and is less universal in who can dispense than baptism. Confirmation only occurs through a bishop or a priest.  The objective unity in Confirmation is tied to a visible unity upheld by a visible and multi-generational hierarchy.  The supernatural view is that on Saturday Easter Vigil in Wickenburg, Arizona a priest anointed me under the grace of Jesus Christ tied through laying on of hands for 2,000 years. The objective reality of that gift coming through the laying on of hands is tied to the resurrection power of Christ himself.}    

_{Another sacrament that effects spiritually what occurs physically is the Eucharist.  It fills the stomach and also the soul.  The social dynamic is to take the communicant (the one who receive the Eucharist) to the upper room on the night of the Last Supper. This is not in a literal time machine through our conventional concept of physics but transcending it in a metaphysical way.}  

_{All of the four traits of Nicea are in the Eucharist.  It is apostolic in that only a bishop or priest can consecrate the bread and wine to become the body and blood of Christ.  It is holy because Christ is truly and metaphysically present though not literally.  One can understand the Real Presence as a metaphysical reality though the accidents, elemental experience, indicates typical food.  It is of oneness in meaning in that the congregation does this in unity.  It is universal in the sense that it can be done anywhere a validly ordained priest is.  It can be at my parish, The Vatican, or on the hood of a jeep at a battlefield.  Malachi prophesied of this “For from the rising of the sun to its setting my name is great among the nations, and in every place incense is offered to my name, and a pure offering; for my name is great among the nations, says the Lord of hosts” (Malachi 1:11)}

_{I reference the traits of one, Catholic, holy and apostolic for the Eucharist for a reason.  The Eucharist is the sacrament of initiation that can be repeated over a lifetime.  It can be done every day as long as the person is in right standing with the Head of the Church, Christ, and the Body.  Among many benefits is the point of humility one can have in receiving the Eucharist in that they are no more righteous in God’s eyes than someone who came into mass that day having committed a grievous sin that day and having fully repented.  God does not have favorites and to come to the table the first time or the thousandth is to come in appreciation as a child of the Father saying, “Lord I am not worthy for you to enter under my roof.  But only say the word and my soul will be healed” (from the Latin Rite mass).} 

_{Such is the Christian “love bomb” but not of coercion.  It is the call of Jesus to “come and see” (John 1:39,46).}    

CONNECTING AND RECONNECTING

_{Ceremony, sacredness and appropriate secrecy are all important for those connections to count.  When they are implemented in community correctly, the member does not need to hold back.  And when they do not hold back there is strength and healing.}      

_{I like the “charge” of the coin.  When I was a therapist first with an all women treatment center and later with all men I saw the members taking turns with the coin for the graduating member and saying, “I charge this coin with….”  Many times the room was thick with love and positivity.  The idea is that when they go back home the coin could serve as a reminder of the values of recovery and their self-efficacy.}  

_{One could call that a “religious experience.”  I use that operative word but for the purposes here I do not mean cathedrals and hierarchy.  Although they serve their purpose, the etymology is a reaffirming of connection.  “Re” is again and “lig” is connection like ligaments.  For a 12 Step addiction recovery group or grief group the members can process their common experience of a hell on earth and explore the way through it together.  Such are the ties that bind.}  

_{Those connections go beyond even the formal meeting and I tried my best to point that out to my clients.  If a client meets with their sponsor over coffee they are not in a meeting in the full 12 Step sense but they still work the steps and they do it in honesty.  No judgment.  No excuses.  But in steps that include a “fearless moral inventory,” things are disclosed.  What is said over coffee or a 12 Step Meeting stays there.}  

_{The value of the community with its norms and values are only as good as how well they sustain its members, individually and corporately, in their struggles.  Though going to the group is not preventative insurance it is assurance if the person internalizes the principles.  “Keep on working.  It works if you work it and you work it because you’re worth it.”}  

_{And if one is alone at the airport and triggered towards their drug of choice they can even ask for a page.  They can request some variation that sounds like “a meeting for the International Friends of Bill W will be meeting at the bench by Starbucks.”  Many relapses have been prevented this way.}  

_{Many parts I identified above work well but are not for me yet are for me since I am not “a friend of Bill.”  This is a term started with Alcoholics Anonymous and used for those who are part of that community.  It has a family-like context.}  

_{But I am a human being with my own unmanaged behaviors. I see that and I see beauty, truth and goodness.  As a more generalized therapist, I do not work as “a loosely affiliated associate of Bill W,” but I have inspiration to do something with the clients on the values they have and with what is the sacred.  I am not a sponsor but I believe in the client.  I work with the client and see where their path takes them and ask them if maybe, just maybe, they can see where the connection for them is.}   

_{Dear reader, I hope this has been helpful as an end in itself whether you are a mental health therapist or not.  I will continue in this next session to address the initiation of spirituality specifically through a religiously informed point of view.  So bear that in mind if you choose to continue reading.}  

_{Religious ceremonies were always lost on me in my youth.  Where I saw or heard chanting, burning of incense, formulated words and other aspects of rituals I perceived a rut devoid of meaning about this deity of love I heard about.}  

_{Then halfway through my childhood I became a Christian without being raised that way and allowed some repetitive patterns to be a part of my walk with Jesus. Repeated prayers, robes, rules regarding matter and form and such were not in the evangelical circles I was a part of.  I had rare exposure to high church liturgy among Latin Catholic, Maronite Catholic and Lutheran.}   

_{Then thirty years later, much to my surprise, I discerned and embraced the Catholic Church and what I had prior perception of as a “dead sacramental system.”  My appreciation of the sacraments has not only been that they accomplish what they symbolize but partly as a therapist see how they are exceptional means of God for the longings of humanity.}  

_{By viewing the original human experience in Eden, we can see primary impulses echo past the Fall that Chris holistically redeems through the cross and the sacraments especially in the first and last chapters of John.   Irenneus said that the “glory of God is man – – made fully alive”  (Adversus Hereseus, 185 AD).  Since Sacred Scripture says “grace and truth were realized through Jesus Christ” (John 1:17b), Christ’s sacraments most fully expressed through the Church accomplish grace. There are implications that exceed what conventional social sciences can do: they teach us of what partaking of his divine nature and reflecting heaven is all about. And they do this not as an obstacle to the cross but as Christ- instituted fruits of the cross.}  

_{Christ in unlimited divinity and perfected humanity came in incarnation at his birth, self-giving in the cross and glorification in the resurrection so that the Christian can be partakers of his divine nature per the calling of the gospel.  God’s love language to us is the gospel, each sacrament is rightly ordered as flesh and blood applications of the gospel as if they are sub-dialects of a beautiful language.  For each sacrament, I will draw connection to impulses in humanity that can be seen universally.  Those impulses are met outside of Christianity at worst through the counterfeit of sin and at best through physical and social sciences.}  

_{There is a need for a tangible community context for the sacraments and this is why Christ founded the Church as “the pillar and foundation of truth” (1 Timothy 3:15).  It is a sacramental sign and instrument for God’s redeeming nature on earth that teaches redemption always with Christ as the formal cause.  The Church is not an impersonal system like financial economy but an exchange of persons one can see in familial relationships.  It is “one, holy, Catholic and apostolic” (Nicene Creed, 325).}  

_{My perspective in making the connection of sacraments and universal human impulses is from a blended background.  I am a Catholic (received into the Church at 42), a licensed therapist and one who see my clients as “professors in the room.”  In my consideration of impulses and sacraments I can see patterns emerge with Christ and the Church uniquely qualified to bridge the gap of unrequited desire for fulfillment.  Some cases in point, mixed in detail to protect confidentiality, are like examples of wreckage in humanity’s longing for what is better.}  

_{There will be three central scriptural passages I will draw from: before the Fall (Genesis 1, 2), the first week of Christ’s ministry (John 1:14-2:12) and the last chapters of John 14-21.  I use Eden because in man’s creation are tell-tale signs of original experience of God’s grace that God wants to restore in successive covenants. It was in a 7 -day period and 7 in Hebrew has close etymology with covenant which is an exchange of persons in honor, will and blood deeper than a one and done transactional covenant.}  

_{The first parameters of John have thematic correlations to the 7 -day creation story, and details of sacramental significance.  John the evangelist lists out a chronology for that week that culminates with water becoming wine (two sacramental substances) at a wedding which is about marriage covenant.  Holy matrimony is a sacrament that grounds the domestic church.}   

_{The Passion Week is also in itself another 7 day period, has more sacramental anecdotes and followed by more post-resurrection still in John without leaning on the Synoptic Gospels.  There is bread, wine, priestly prayers, sacrifice and redemption.  Without the events of Passion Week culminating in the cross, Christianity would lack the power of its ceremony and sacredness.}  

_{Below I will list the 7 Sacraments and how I see them related to the psychological and social desires in humanity.}  

_{I also tie in the four traits of the Church summarized at the Council of Nicea (325).  In the first ecumenical council since 50 AD, the Church developed its first creed that included four traits: one, holy, Catholic and apostolic.  One is about unity.  Holy is about being set apart by God in unique identity and purpose.  Catholic literally means “according to the whole” and universal.  While the sacraments are both micro and macro, those four traits are macro in initial application but permeate to the individual.  The sacraments and the four traits work harmoniously and are inextricably linked to the fullness of truth and salvation touching the deepest needs of humanity.  This is why the Church is a sacramental sign and instrument.}

_{The Church, in Christ, is like a sacrament- a sign and instrument, that is, of communion with God and of unity among all men.”  The Church’s first purpose is to be the sacrament of the inner union of men with God.  Because men’s communion with one another is rooted in that union with God, the Church is also the sacrament of the unity of the human race.  In her, this unity is already begun, since she fathers ment “from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and tongues”, at the same time, the Church is the “sing and instrument” of the full realization of the unity yet to come (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 1994, paragraph 775)}

_{POTENTIAL IMPULSES REDEEMED IN THE SACRAMENTS AND FOUR NICENE TRAITS} 

_INITIATION 

_{Baptism, Holy Church- – Renewal}

_{Eucharist, one, holy, Catholic, apostolic- – To thrive}

_{Confirmation, Apostolic,- – Affirmation of distinct identity}

_{SERVICE- – Bones of the cultural mores, maintains the course of the culture}

_{Holy Matrimony, One, Catholic, Apostolic- – To unite}

_{Holy Orders, Apostolic- – To pass on}

_{HEALING- – Provides course correction, restores the individual to right standing and health.  Answers with substantial comfort to pain and shame.}  

_{Holy Unction, Catholic- – Desire for meaning for our present suffering and pending death}

_{Reconciliation, Catholic— To live without shame}

_{Last, I will offer the following disclaimer: contrary to stereotypes, it is not Catholic teaching that you have to do all of the 7 Sacraments to get to heaven.  But it is very heavenly that the Christian learns from them and supports them in prayerful and sometimes material support.  Many of the faithful die in friendship with God and never are married, yet, “Let the marriage be held in honor by all, and let the marriage bed be kept undefiled” (Hebrews 13:4a).  Also, few Catholics receive Holy Orders (ordained as clergy).  Yet the sacraments serve to uphold and push forward Christianity for the community that is fully alive and benefits from grace.}  

_{Whatever the calling, all are called in this theological truth meant for full expression on earth.}  

From “What If?” To “What Now?”

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“This is not linear,” said the alien to the bereaved widower.  

These were the words an alien said to Commander Sisco in the season premiere of Deep Space Nine. He blamed himself for not rescuing his wife from death.  He had played it over and over in his head.  The alien who had access to his memories and ruminations had the advantage of seeing the pain and replaying memories.  This alien from a dimension outside of time wondered why someone designed to live for the now and the future would not stay that way.  The cathartic feel for him in the question with Sisco’s secrets laid bare was a catalyst for his recovery.  

Whether it is a moral failing or an honest mistake, a common human struggle as creatures of morals and desires is to replay those moment and branch out.  Starting with their choice or the external force of the event, they imagine what would be different with an alternate event and branch out to the alternate present.  In other words, it becomes a matter of two questions: What happened?  What if?  

But what about now and what comes next?  Those are important questions to ask.  We live in the present and within reason we often choose to live for the future. The questions of what happened and what if can weigh us down if they take up too much space in our head and the wrong perspectives.  

Common feelings in the thinking often about the painful past event are based  in shame and bitterness.  

Shame in the event can freeze the person.  They do not see the point in change or even a positive self- worth.  They see the event that happened to them must define them.  

This is where reframing the event and the self-narrative can come in.  For those trapped in shame they can explore their core values about themselves that make them strong on their better days.  If those values were owned by you generally, then why do they not define you generally?  What gives the external event or entity the right to define you?  To the extent that it is you, then it is good to reframe the narrative and push back.  

An example to push back worked and yet did not work in a group therapy I was running once.  A client disclosed her sense of shame about being sexually abused.  I suggested, “Let that be his shame” (regarding the abuser).  She resonated with that and expressed a sense of empowerment on going forward.    

But her peer at her side had her own take and it was negative.  She had been victimized in the same way and escalated quickly against that.  Possibly one was more forward thinking than the other.  

A common reframing direction for the “what happened” narrative is seeing perfection as not a realistic perception of self.  Ashamed for being abused as a child?  See yourself for who you were and what you were capable so you can be kind to yourself. Name the event and see what it means to forgive yourself for the “sin” of not being perfect.  A bad event happened to an imperfect person.  

The “what if” for some can the greatest challenge in that it is not “linear” on the past, present or foreseeable future of the life we live now. The hypothetical life or parallel universe can be ideal and multi-dimensional in the parts one’s life would be different.  But to invest one’s attention to how life could have diverged better feeds only resentments, dysfunctional behaviors and, in some cases, expectations for very unlikely resolutions.    

A bridge to anchoring ourself to the present is distress tolerance including on where our bodies feel the ache of feelings.  Easier said than done? The greater the challenge to adopting that, the greater the person is too heavily centered on the “what happened” and the “what if.”  

This is where the paradigm shift comes in to acceptance.  There are many belief systems in the world that express this.  Below is one of them.  

Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation—some fact of my life—unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes (The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, Fourth Edition, Page 417).

I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.- – This person is describing only the present and that does not lock him in an experience to always repeat.  He can change things and in his belief system prays for wisdom to know the difference. 

unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy– –  This is an assessment that being happy or bitter on his present is an either/or scenario. 

on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes– –  To say this is a solution to all people in all circumstances would be overly reductive. However, in asking about what can be changed in our perspectives about our present and future there are three common perspectives that can emerge. 

One area that the present minded may be in a better spot to assess their present resources.  We can change things in the present or near future based on resources we see.  If we do not live in the now, the resources may as well not exist. 

A second area of the present minded person is one who assesses their values about self and life and take responsibility for change. 

A third, and I emphasize as last, point is where you have the right to act.  If it is asked first when having challenges tolerating the distress, then you will be too bitter or shell-shocked to work with what you can.  

We are mortal beings and among us we are going on 8 billion philosophies for as many people.  The more the “what now” and the “what next” gets proper proportion in our philosophies, the more mentally we will be and also quality of life.  This would include in adversity and not.  

JRR Tolkien may have thought about this in his fictional conversation of Frodo centering on his “what if” rather than his “what next.”  

“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo.

“So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”