A lot can happen when we choose a little bit of silence. Many people, myself included, have a lot to say but if we are not careful saying things with a lack of depth.
This occurred to me last summer after writing a blog since early 2013. I have been writing about family, therapy, macro level social dynamics and especially theology.
But last summer I got some good advice from a spiritual authority in my life to see what God might do in silence in light of Zechariah.
He is a brief figure in the New Testament as father of John the Baptist. He received a message from Gabriel that in his old age he would be the father of the prophet who would prepare the way for the Messiah. He had what would seem to be a rational objection on why that could not work for him and his same age wife.
But perhaps there was kind of cynicism because he was struck mute until the birth.
So there I was in this conversation mentioning Zechariah in passing when the advice was to see what God would do in my life if I went silent for awhile. He added that maybe I may have much more to say if I allowed the presence of God where the void would be. I sensed that I it should be about 3 months.
What Was Caught
I would like to think that I have been more engaged in my spiritual and emotional life. When I do deep dives into subject matters of interest I can zero in with a numbing out of those parts if I am not careful. Even in my prayer times I might think “Oh, here is a thing I can write about!” Eternal life is so much bigger than my moments of cerebral inspiration.
That also includes the hot, controversial topics of the day. I have a lot of opinion on national and international politics. But have I at times contributed more heat than light? Yes.
Something about active receptivity appeals to me even more now. This was a topic that has come up in recent months with my spiritual director. The prime example we come back to regarding created beings, unlike the Trinity, is the Blessed Virgin Mary. She was receptive to the move of God over her but was active at the same time. And when she said what she prudently needed to it was for Christ to shine and for her working towards that. “Do whatever he tells you” (John 2:5).
Beginning Again
Life is full of beginnings. Something ends, even temporarily, so that something new comes. For me, it is fitting that I in having energy from my silences that I have been contemplating beginnings both in theology and general daily living.
One beginning is our oldest child my wife and I have together has started high school. He has butterflies in his stomach about every day and has some learning differences. It sucks to face such hard beginnings alone. So I must choose to renew my vigor to assure that he does not have to. And his silence on asking for help is not the good kind.
I am now past the beginning of a school year for me even though I am an established professional. This is the second year of Aspirancy in the Permanent Diaconate program in my Archdiocese. I am definitely a work in progress and silence has a role for me. This includes the prudence of not thinking out loud as much as I would like to in class when the subject is my sweet spot.
But am I hearing God’s voice more clearly? I think so. And those impressions are not necessarily thrilling nor profound. In the silence comes clarity and trust in that which is unclear.
But silence takes effort. It is an act of will as much as an act of faith. So in my quiet moments I am having some moment of being quiet. The Liturgy of The Hours is part of my prayer life but is like one of two eyes by which I can have spiritual depth perception. I do not do this in hours or even units of ten. It is a minute or two at a time. Not long but a start.
Here’s to new beginnings.
jembenjamin 